Carl Mastrangelo

A programming and hobby blog.

Becoming an Extrovert

In 2022, I made the painful transition from introvert to extrovert. It has greatly improved my life by making me feel more confident and comfortable in social settings. While the fear of talking to new people still lingers on, I can now override that little voice inside. Several people have expressed interest in my conversion, and I wanted to document how I changed. If you are looking for an avenue for self improvement that is challenging and rewarding, I’d recommend giving this a try.


As the old joke goes, introverts look at their shoes when talking, but extroverts look at your shoes. I originally thought the truth was along these lines, where introverts don’t talk to other people, but extroverts do. When I talked to people about it, a lot of people claimed to be introverts, even though they’re social and engaging people.

Introverts do not get energy talking to other people. It’s not black and white but this is the litmus test for if you are introverted. Prior to 2022, I was like this. However, it manifested in less obvious ways. For example:

A superficial understanding would be that these sentiments are about not wanting to talk with others. However, a more introspective survey would show (at least for me) that these insecurities and confidence issues. The surface level logic makes sense, and no one can really challenge that (e.g. you might actually be interrupting someone) at face value. I would rebut that it’s more about fear of rejection.

If you want to:

Then, being an introvert will not serve you. This is the conclusion I came to at the beginning of 2022. I decided that the awkward and cringy experiences would ultimately be worth it for my own personal development. I needed to venture from one side of the social chasm to the other.


Extroverts absorb energy talking to other people. Not only do they get ramped up talking and learning about others, every moment in the conversation makes them want it more. Have you ever felt drained after attending a social obligation? Have you ever thought “Uggh I’ve been out talking to people all day, I need a break”? Extroverts do not feel this way.

I can see the internal changes inside myself. It’s a mindset thing; the first thought when seeing other people changes. Notice the difference in narrative:

If that last one bothers you, don’t let it! My own pendulum swung so far into the introversion side before I started my journey. In order to push myself to feel comfortable, I had to override my own internal monologue to be bold enough to talk to others. Remember, it’s a free country! It’s not illegal to talk to the human beings around you. The extrovert thinks: “if they don’t want to talk to me, they will let me know [via verbal or body language cues]“.

One of the major downsides I noticed of being extroverted is that we (they) feel a desire to talk to others. Some people don’t want to talk, but we have an unfulfilled need. As a result, extroverts are under constant rejection every day. They have to talk to others; their nature compels them to initiate. Would you rather live in a world where you never talk to anyone, or a world where no one wants to talk to you? I think the extrovert scenario is the more painful one!

How to Make the Leap

Several mindset changes were needed for me to make the change. I won’t sugar-coat it, it’s going to be a painful and possibly embarrassing experience. Here is what I internalized:

I had (and maybe still have?) a bad habit of trying to followup on everything someone else says. It left no room in the dialogue for the other person to open up: to be heard. It’s painful to have that silence, but I’ve noticed other people will reveal themselves more if you leave them room. And remember, they hate that silence too!


I took a Myers Briggs test at the beginning of 2022, and then again around August. I answered honestly how I really felt and what I would do. The test picked up the change from IXXX to EXXX which was kind of amazing to me.

Additionally, my confidence in myself has risen dramatically. Other people have noticed as well. It’s not fully complete, but it’s far enough long that I can see what is needed to finish.

Confidence and comfort to talk to others is held inside like a sieve. It gets refilled constantly by talking to others, which is how extroverts rally. I feel like I can last for longer and longer in conversation, and at some point I won’t be tired by it. A friend of mine said he could talk all day long (like 8 hours) and hunger for more at the end of it. This is the level I am going for and the changes in attitude I listed above are will what will get me there.


You can find me on Twitter @CarlMastrangelo